31 Dec. 2010

Well, it's New Year's Eve.... another year come and nearly gone....  Wish I could think back on what I wanted to accomplish and sort the have dones from the maybe next years, but it's gone by as such a blur....  I did want to finish my novel by year's end, but fell flat as I let life get in the way and second guess myself....

Don't do that.

 Life cannot and should not get in the way of a life that is yours to live.  It's all a matter of choice -- especially the derailments. 

And, trust in yourself.  Who else do you have???

“Better to write for the self and have no public than to write for the public and have no self.” Cyril Connolly (critic & editor 1903-1974)

 This is what I hope to live by in the coming year, if nothing else.  One's work should always have a soul and writing it for another's standards is a surefire way to remove it.  A writer should always be themselves; not another's word hound.  So sad a lesson to have learned the hard way, but one I'm sure to be better for it.

 Tonight I've spent locked in front of the tv's weather radar -- twisters moving in -- and not organizing the chaos for a clean start to a new year.  Though, I did make great headway this afternoon.  For that, I am proud of myself.

My hopes for the new year: find peace within myself once more, take just one more step to making my life as I wish it to be -- I'm not as far off as I think sometimes.  After all, it's already my life.  So far, so good! And I wish to finish my novel; contribute to more charities (make an impact for the better) and be a good spouce (though, I've heard no complaint in the three years so far, I still wish to keep it that way. ;) Mine has been so great to me -- the love of my life).

Run of the mill, maybe, but also no.  My life, my hopes, my impacts are like no other's.  And to that I hold for strength in the coming year.  Hard times are sure to follow.  And all I have to do is outnumber them with my own positive views.

To all, Happy New Year!!!

To self, good job, for I know you'll do well...(the one pat on the back I allow myself for the year)

Well, it's New Year's Eve.... another year come and nearly gone.... may we make the most of what's left and blaze a trail through the one to come.... if each day is a clear slate then the next year has 365 to give....may we all use them well....

- Shadow

28 Dec. 2010

Well, Yule and Christmas have passed, finally.  Not that I've not enjoyed them, I have, they just did not feel as they should.  Mike and I exchanged a gift on Yule and enjoyed the evening.  Held it a few nights early actually so that he could enjoy the time and not rush it through.  Holidays are meant to be savored.  Afterward, we put in a movie then turned in for the night.  If we would have thought about it -- having had such a magical eve -- we would have taken a moment to step outside and enjoy a moment with the night (checked for snow).  But, we didn't.  Here in Memphis, it rarely snows sooner than the new year.  So, to think it would for Yule, seemed almost absurd.

Well, it snowed.  Just and inch, inch and a half on the rooftops.  But it had snowed.

Timing, even after the fact was . . . perfect.

For Christmas, we started our shopping on the 23rd.  Yeah, we're usually not that lax in our gifting.  But, what can you do?  Some years are just like this.  We finished all our running around around 1300 on the 24th.  But, still, we got it done and made the most of it.  Was even one of our better Christmases.  ;)  It even snowed! (This time, we looked).

In addition to more knitting supplies (can never have too many), also got a laser printer for my manuscripts -- now that a lot of publishers are going digital; so what, I got a laser printer!!! -- and a video game I've not played in 2 years.... WOW!!!  Also got more replacement strings for my yo-yos, and a Fushigi ball.  It has been rather disturbing, searching youtube for tutorials on Contact Juggling (how can you NOT know this is a simple ball???? Come on!!!) and seeing all the gripes about the Fushigi being FAKE.  Everyone apparently thinks it will levitate on its own.  By the gods, get an education.  Seriously.

Fushigi is nothing more than gimmick aimed at raising interest in the art of Contact Juggling.  Sole difference being it's cheaper than most acrylic balls and has a reflective center.  I asked for this being as I've not been able to get a foot in otherwise to Contact Juggling.  Can I say this enough???  The Fushigi is for Contact Juggling!!!

Having spent a few minutes with the ball over the past few days (two total), I've gotten the hang of a few minor tricks.  And, yes, I can make it "levitate."  It's the user, not the ball.  Grow up, really.

It does tire the hands.  May deter a number of people, but well worth the time to work past it.  Even the basics are fun!  Which is the whole point of doing anything, that part of it resonates as fun.  Otherwise, how would it work?

But, really?  Sooooooo many people honestly think this thing will float on its own.  This country's in trouble, I swear.  These whining baboons are going to run things after a while?  They are going to handle my retirement checks???

Fuck me.  Let's send them all to Mars -- where their little disappointment still won't float on its own power.  For crying out loud.  Seriously???

Things take effort.  You need to Practice!  Get off your arse and do something with your life.  Even that won't do it on its own.

30 Nov. 2010

Not posted in a while (I'm usually bad at that anyway), been knitting up gifts or recouping from.  Got all but one item done for Thanksgiving.  Though, not to say someone went without a gift -- they didn't.  They just did not get 100% of it.  :(  I'll have to mail it in a week or so.

So, now, I've a wash cloth set (8 pieces) to make for Yule, three cat toys for the same day; a santa hat for Christmas, scarf and hat set, another soap pouch and something creepy for another friend (across the pond), and a handful of more cat toys, and two throws to sew.  Not counting the afghan and maybe something for me -- might be nice to have a second item made myself, only made one in 3 years.

As for the writing . . . it is knit or write right now.  If I pick up the pen, I'll not see the needles until June.  Not that I don't want to write.  I think of the story every day.  I'm constantly trolling over the last chapter, trying to find my way through their turmoil (and boy, are they in it lol).  Sometimes the the breakthrough causes more trouble than it is worth, especially for the writer.  But, it is needed.

I've also picked up a pen pal.  Trekking to the mailbox and finding a letter inside, so much better than hearing an email alert.  A letter takes a person's time and thought.  Email, not so much.  And it is truly a lost art: letter writing.  With the Gods' good graces, it may return.

Cheers to better days . . .

16 Nov. 2010

Finished the mitts last night, hauled arse and got one done in one eve.  All I have to do now is block them and weave in the ends.  Now, I've started the Hooded Scarf tonight.  The needles are too short, by about 4-5 inches.  So, should be 'fun' trying to work this until payday when I can get new needles.  And so far, too tired from last night to get into it.

Not worked much on the novel lately.  In the holiday crunch, I rarely do.  Not that I don't want to, though.  It's willing and so am I.  Just have to hold on for the duration.

 Today is also spouse and my anniversary: 3years, 5 months.  Feels like just a week.  I love them very much and could want no other -- EVER.  They are truly the light of my life and make it worth while.  I'm very lucky to have met them . . . and that they said 'yes.'

Back to the reality of life, so itching for the holidays to be over.  Family bickering already about the dinner and days, they're not even here yet!  All but one agree on a stress free, leisurely meal, semi-catered -- ok, Kroger cooked -- and the one is whining extra wet.  I swear, this cannot be over soon enough!!!  Seeing them only ever couple of years . . . WAY too often . . . ::pulls pout hair:::

11 Nov. 2010

Didn't get to the doc's today.  Due to the holiday, the banks were closed, and being payday, haha, SOL were we.  No banks, no cash; no cash, no treatment.  Welcome to life.  Least I can go in the am for that treatment.  Going to two is better than missing them all.

As for the novel . . . boy, can I make things harder than they have to be.  All I have to do is add in a phone call, another character to a minor meltdown (these parts were all originally in the story), and that will shadow an underlying concern that stirs throughout the story.  Does not mandate an entire rewrite.

Didn't get must of anything done on the novel yesterday save for thinking it out when I could.  Massive headaches bringing about nausea and the works, probably due to my neck working itself out or diet.  Working on both this week.  Going in tomorrow for another adjustment and therapy and getting back OFF of the junk food.  Going to have enough of that when the holidays come around, don't need it right now.

The gift-making has also been put on hold for the time being, but going to get at least half a set made today.  I'm chomping at the bit to get to hubby's gift, too!  Spent over a week planning it out and got the supplies.  Can't wait to start!!!  And can't wait to see his face when he gets it . . . he's going to be speechless.  Or better be, Ha Ha Ha.

10 Nov. 2010

I know I've not posted in a few days.  Things have been a bit off kilter.  Sometimes I get so wrapped up in trying to make something the best I can and all I come up with is that I've only made it worse.  So much so that I have to step back and sift through lesser work to almost prove that I've not come up short (happens every few years give or take).  And, so far, that's been my week.

Second guessing, tearing my hair out (luckily not literally -- yet), and just wondering if I've made a mistake and failed in everything that I do.  Heh, it happens.  Means I have to be mindful more than anything.  And I'm trying.

Sifting here, there, working on all that I have.  It's getting rather cramped in my days.  Especially with new stories popping up and I've not yet finished the ones I've started.  Currently is the lit. fiction/drama (life's almost made enough of that lately), and behind it are the horror, paranormal, and a true life project to be worked on, as well as a poetry book.  Now, added to the pile are a sci-fi/fantasy and another drama, plus, a romance I've been dared to write . . . kind of can't forget that one.  A dare is a challenge I can't turn down.

So, yeah, been busy and working through block after block, after ten foot thick wall.  But still around, some how, some way, and kicking up the dust.

07 Nov. 2010

Had a great weekend with spouse.  Not often we get to just kick back and relax without interruptions.

Also, recast the mitts Thursday night.  Not been blazing through it, but still coming along, and have plenty of time to get them done.  I reversed the colours and made the MC sapphire and the CC silver grey.  Still coming out great.  Hope they're enjoyed.

Last night, made major headway in my novel.  Not lengthy, but made every word count.  What's better than that?  Also received a new review on it, and it came back high praise.  So far, only one reader has not commended the work (can't fault someone for their own opinion), but their qualms were less than founded.  And quite sad to see them trash my work with double talk, blatantly showing their own faults in the process.  How odd that people do this . . . then throw their work into the pot as 'prime examples' of good writing.

-- I spill over into a rant here, folks, so, please, bear with me, and excuse the frustrations --

I do not mind getting bad reviews, I take them with a steady balance and try to see both sides.  To me, that is what they are there for.  Not all have the same views.  And I for one seek out variety in my daily life.  So, fine, my work was not liked.  Good, but when you tell me why, make it valid.  Do not quote method books you've not taken to heart (sure you read it, but did ya understand it).  Do not state both sides of the spectrum and make me wrong on both counts (if I told too much, in your opinion, fine, but then to rag me for not telling you enough -- of the same info -- in the same rant, give me a break!).  And, do NOT trash me because you cannot feel, cannot comprehend, or see what it is BE human (for this current work).  Humans feel, we have hopes, dreams, desires, goals, fears, and shame.  And so should every one of the characters.  A one dimensional character is nothing more than a paper cut out.  There is no life there.  Even action based fiction needs life in their characters (and readers will NOT suspend disbelief to find out motives 48 pages down the line -- if you're lucky, a publisher gives you 3).  Even heroes doubt.  It makes them real.

Everything that people are is in every moment, every thought, and every action.  This is what I strive to see in my characters and my work.  If YOU do not want it there, in yours, then fine, write it your way.  It's the only way a writer should.  But do NOT point every finger at everyone else but yourself and dish out excuses for things you yourself have done in your own pages.  It's called accountability and a measure of professionalism.  Do not trounce another for your own short comings.  Yes, I have mine -- and I know them -- but I also have strengths and I know them, too.  They are what I use, what I dig into to correct my faults.

I did not see that with you, in your 'critique' (and sure as hell not in your work -- and I've stated why, along with reasons and examples of where and how they apply).  You only spat method book after method book, none of which fit the applications at which they were thrown, and only recanted how people do NOT feel through their moments, the things they do, the events that come about, or scream that there need not be reason at all.

Needless to say (though I will), I beg to differ.

Good luck to you in your writing career.  You've given me a week of entertainment: to laugh, to question and to gag over.  Maybe one day, just one, you'll see how much I was holding back to give you the floor and rise higher than we both are.  I may not be the greatest writer in the world (I know I'm not), but I was NEVER as bad as you painted me to be.  And I wonder, just maybe, you were also pointing at your own work, at the flaws you could not cover.

See you on the bookshelves.